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Chapter3
THEnextthingIrememberis,wakingupwithafeelingasifIhadhadafrightfulnightmare,andseeingbeforemeaterribleredglare,crossedwiththickblackbars.
Iheardvoices,too,speakingwithahollowsound,andasifmuffledbyarushofwindorwater:agitation,uncertainty,andanall-predominatingsenseofterrorconfusedmyfaculties.Erelong,Ibecameawarethatsomeonewashandlingme;liftingmeupandsupworseailmentwasanunutterablewretchednessofmind:awretchednesswhichkeptdrawingfrommesilenttears;nosoonerhadIwipedonesaltdropfrommycheekthananotherfollowed.Yet,Ithought,Ioughttohavebeenhappy,fornoneoftheReedswerethere,theywereallgoneoutinthecarriagewiththeirmama.Abbot,too,wassewinginanotherroom,andBessie,asshemovedhitherandthither,puttingawaytoysandarrangingdrawers,addressedtomeeverynowandthenawordofunwontedkindness.Thisstateofthingsshouldhavebeentomeaparadiseofpeace,accustomedasIwastoalifeofceaselessreprimandandthanklessfagging;but,infact,myrackednerveswerenowinsuchastatethatnocalmcouldsoothe,andnopleasureexcitethemagreeably.
Bessiehadbeendownintothekitchen,andshebroughtupwithherat?;B?ofAbbot,forinstance,wouldhavebeen),Iscrutinisedthefaceofthegentleman:Iknewhim;itwasMr.Lloyd,anapothecary,sometimescalledinbyMrs.Reedwhentheservantswereailing:forherselfandthechildrensheemployedaphysician.
Well,whoamI?heasked.
Ipronouncedhisname,offeringhimatthesametimemyhand:hetookit,smilingandsaying,Weshalldoverywellbyandby.Thenhelaidmedown,andaddressingBessie,chargedhertobeverycarefulthatIwasnotdisturbedduringthenight.Havinggivensomefurtherdirections,andintimatedthatheshouldcallagainthenextday,hedeparted;tomygrief:Ifeltsoshelteredandbefriendedwhilehesatinthechairnearmypillow;andasheclosedthedoorafterhim,alltheroomdarkenedandmyheartagainsank:inexpressiblesadnessweigheditdown.
Doyoufeelasifyoushouldsleep,Miss?askedBessie,rathersoftly.
ScarcelydaredIanswerher;forIfearedthenextsentencemightberough.Iwilltry.
Wouldyouliketodrink,orcouldyoueatanything?
No,thankyou,Bessie.
ThenIthinkIshallgotobed,foritispasttwelveoclock;butyoumaycallmeifyouwantanythinginthenight.Wonderfulcivilitythis!Itemboldenedmetoaskaquestion.
Bessie,whatisthematterwithme?AmIill?
Youfellsick,Isuppose,inthered-roomwithcrying;youllbebettersoon,nodoubt.
Bessiewentintothehousemaidsapartment,whichwasnear.Iheardhersay-
Sarah,